Sunday, February 22, 2009

Episode the 5th

SHORT AND SWEET VERSION PART FIVE: Chris bungles it big time, and Brittney finds it in her heart to still be friends.

LONG VERSION PART FIVE: One night he said he wanted to talk so we found ourselves driving in his car, visiting some of his favorite spots in Provo. I kind of expected him to say something like, "will you be my girlfriend" and he ended up saying things that I took to mean, "Some girls I like right away, some girls I know I'll never date and some girls I like, but would rather not date and you are in the last category." (To be honest, I am probably taking it easy on Chris with that "nice version" recap of the conversation). Needless to say I held the social gee-i'm-glad-we-had-that-talk face on until I cried myself to sleep that night.

This is the portion of the story that I will never live down. I am not sure, looking back, that I entirely knew or know what I was trying to say or do, but somehow Brittney didn't give up on me, for which I will be forever grateful. The only things I can add, which apply from here on out (for today's post) are that I obviously still wanted to be close friends with Brittney, communication and being on the same page were my goals, and most of what I said probably came out differently than what I imagined in my head. This concludes my comments for today's post.

My roommates were upset with him and told me not to call/receive calls from him for a few days at least. That’s how the game is played. Well, I don't play the game and I missed seeing him. So I answered my phone when he called and went to watch his soccer game like he asked. We were friends after all, but I no longer made jokes about dating and was lots more careful to keep space between us when we were close. I would have hung out with him any time he asked, so I tried to be not completely available. I didn't have to lie when I told Chris I already had plans that weekend to go to a club with my old friend, Dan.

Meanwhile, he kept throwing crazy signals. While his words said one thing, his manner of speaking and looks and continued efforts to remain such close friends spoke the opposite. Despite how it looked, it really wasn't that hard or surprising to still be great friends. One Sunday, he told me about how he and his cousins try to walk home from where we had Church (BYU’s Testing Center!) as slow as possible, taking baby steps the whole way. Chris wanted me to try it with him and it took us 45 min to walk what normally takes 8. Even his cousins got fed up with how slow we took it and they beat us home by 15 minutes or so.

We still talked a lot and he found out how I took his words from our conversation in the car. Apparently far from saying, "I don't want to date you" he was trying to say, "I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to dating you." Dating someone to him, meant a lot more then what dating someone meant to me. He had a few other girls he was interested in and wasn’t sure he wanted to leave them in the dust by starting to date me.

Well, I didn’t want to be so forward that I pushed him into dating me, so I took a step back and declined to initiate much. He kept calling to hang out and we went to see his high school Provo High, play their rivals, Timpview, in basketball. Chris follows all sports and still keeps updated on how Provo does. It’s a little silly and a little endearing at the same time. I don’t even remember who won; I just remember feeling two totally opposite emotions: Happiness to be near him, yet pain to not touch or flirt too much with him. I did not want to throw myself at someone who wasn’t sure he wanted to date me.

1 comment:

Megs said...

brittney you're a saint. that's all i have to say.