Saturday, December 24, 2016

pregnant?

So we went in for our second IUI on Dec 2nd. Chris was busy with stuff at work and so I left Frederick with a friend and drove out to Birmingham by myself. They told me that since Chris signed the right, 'consent to thaw' paperwork before it wouldn't be a problem this time. But...someone ended up caring and I had to call Chris and let him give verbal consent to one of the nurses over the phone. Whatever. Whew. I'm just glad the IUI was able to happen. Its a quick and fairly painless procedure in a regular exam room, much like a pap smear.  I get so excited every time and the thought, "Maybe I'm pregnant!" goes through my mind about a million times a day from that moment on.  I would try and read into my body's signs and for the first week go back and forth between, "I think I'm pregnant!" to "I don't feel pregnant.. :( " sometimes multiple times a day.  But by the second week I was feeling more and more like I was growing another Archibald inside. I felt a little nauseous in the evenings, sensitive in some areas and had really clear skin.  I stopped trying to push myself to my limits at the gym and on runs in case all the jarring would cause another miscarriage like I sorta believed happen 4 years ago. (although the logical part of my brain knows that's not to blame).  Then 3 days before I was supposed to take a pregnancy test, I felt REALLY crampy, and other pre-period symptoms.. and my hopes dropped. I couldn't wait any longer and I took a test the next day... it was:



slightly postive! Chris kept telling me, there is no slight about it. Its positive.. just believe it! But I wasn't ready to let myself start dreaming. We waited another two days and took another test... positive! I called the doctors in Birmingham and they told me to get some blood work done at the lab in Starkville to confirm. The week before Christmas I went in and got a positive blood test! The doctors called me to confirm the pregnancy.  I let myself start dreaming and I was on cloud 9. Due date, August 21!! 3 days before Christmas I had to do another set of bloodwork to compare the levels and the next day got a call from the doctors that the numbers were low and going down... so I would probably miscarry sometime the next week.   I stayed calm on the phone and asked all the questions I wanted (such a nice nurse/doctor) but then broke down and cried pretty much for the next day and a half.  It was such a tender mercy that I my period came the next day so I wouldn't be on pins and needs for very long and I was able to get the heaviest day out of the way before Christmas.  But I was still. SO. SAD. Merry Christmas? No, it wasn't a Merry Christmas. But quickly after thinking that, I would tell myself, No... it IS a Merry Christmas. Christ was born to help us through our trials. He lived a perfect life and suffered unfathomable pain just so he would know how to comfort us in our sorrows. I had a sweet spiritual moment the day before I took the very first pregnancy test that whatever happened, Christ would be waiting for me to either cry with me if it didn't work out, or rejoice with me if it did.  As it happened... he was waiting and ready to cry with me. I have my Savior, I have my loving husband, and 4 bright children. It is a Merry Christmas. I just have to remind myself of that every time my sadness swells to the surface.

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Sometimes life is so sweet and so sad at the same time. I love reading about your life and my thoughts and prayers are with you